And Sunlight Were a Present He Had Sent You
by with-etoiles
Summary: And for all of this, when Blaine tells Kurt to "don't give up hope ever", he genuinely, truly, means it, because he had been so close to giving up hope before Kurt had came along.  Blaine's inner musings as he watched Kurt fill out his NYADA application


_and sunlight were a present he had sent you from some place distant_

Blaine still wasn't sure what to think about Kurt.

Kurt was everything he could never articulate into words, the warm bloom of his sad remnant of a heart, the comforting spring of a smile, the abandon he felt when he was in his arms, the joy and despair and hope that he felt mix within him when he took Kurt's hand, because Kurt was everything he could never say but yet he never felt like he said enough. He didn't know how to tell Kurt that he was his night sky, alight with mystery and allure and desire, yet also held the moon and the stars and bright and light within him. He didn't know how to tell Kurt that he was, for lack of a more flourishing word, _happy, _and happy was a thing he had only thought to exist in the lofty space of dreams and unrequited craving. Because for Blaine Anderson, that was all he had ever had. A heart so full of love for everything and everyone and only the club of indifference to strike it back into place, and Blaine Anderson had grown up believing that he had needed that, that if there was a God out there that was doing this to him it must've been something good coming, or that something infinitely worth all this and more would be just around the corner.

So, and Blaine didn't know how to say it, Kurt was _that_ to him. He was everything that he knew was coming and reached idly for in his sleep, like a baby reaching for its mothers arms, but had given up upon once the groggy mist of reality sank in. And now, Blaine marveled wondrously, his dreams and realities seemed to have blended into such a cloudy haze that he wasn't sure what was what anymore, and only that this boy beside him was the merger between the two lanes, and that Blaine could never afford to lose him, ever.

That was why, when Kurt stared idly at the woefully sparse writing on his NYADA application, Blaine sighed but rubbed his back comfortingly. It's not like this was easy for him either. Kurt was everything he had just described to himself and more, and if there was anything Blaine knew it was that when Kurt left for college next year and Blaine was left in Lima, things would be hard for both of them. If he were a more selfish person, he would've secretly been cheered by Kurt's reduced chances of leaving him. But he wasn't about to let himself be that.

Because, he elaborated, if Kurt was this to him, then keeping him from achieving whatever he had dreamed about that was coming to him, the faint tendrils of a "something better" reaching through his mind to his heart and rooting themselves there, what would he be but a coward, trying to salvage his own happiness at the expense of the happiness of the one he most cared about? And Blaine Anderson had been a coward for too long in his life. This boy had been the only one who had ever taught him what the word courage really meant, when he himself had been tossing it around without ever being cognizant of the real implications of its meaning, and yet this brave boy right here finally came and made him realize what it was he had been trying to prescribe to himself this entire time. He couldn't let Kurt ever lose the knowledge that he had been nothing short of well, perfect out there. He was sure that someone, anyone, and _everyone_ would notice Kurt once he got out of this narrow minded town.

And for all of this, when Blaine tells Kurt to "don't give up hope ever", he genuinely, truly, means it, because he had been so close to giving up hope before Kurt had came along. But Kurt, his beautiful, wonderful Kurt, deserved, no, was entitled to know that his "something better" than this rotten town was right around the corner too, and that Blaine would be fully supportive of him going out and pursuing it.


End file.
